Sep 6, 2023·edited Sep 6, 2023Liked by Theresa Brown
This was great, Theresa. It reminded me of something I read a long time ago: we spend more time researching what car to buy than which doctor to choose. Your article (and the comments below) reminded me that we need a more empowered mindset about switching providers as well. In the end, it's our health on the line.
Sep 6, 2023·edited Sep 6, 2023Liked by Theresa Brown
My oncologist went on maternity leave after my 1st chemo treatment, then moved to Texas. The next doc assigned started my first appointment with a hug (me, already braless in a tiny pink smock), which I did not like. Then before leaving the exam room he wanted another hug and I refused. I went to the checkout desk and promptly switched doctors. The hugging doctor apologized and wrote his apology officially in my follow-up notes, which any future doctor can read. I'm sure there is a notation in my file, like on Seinfeld, that says "troublesome patient." To each his own - I'd prefer someone focused on the science, not on hugs.
PS: I finished reading (listening to) "Healing" this weekend and LOVED the story of the deer crossing through the water, and it just reminded me of how strong we women are. That deer knew the way through, and for generations women have known the way through hard times, often carrying along others on their back. Inspiring.
It is very helpful that you have written this post encouraging us to switch doctors if our doctor is not a good fit for us! Often I think we women in particular feel that we have to be loyal, or if we have a bad experience with a doctor, then it’s our fault. But we ought to listen to that inner voice that says, “This isn’t right.” My mom switched eye doctors for an excellent reason: she needs to get injections in her eye, and her previous doctor didn’t wait for the anesthesia to take effect and stabbed her! In the eye! And then, when my mom winced and pulled away, he scolded her for being a crybaby! So yeah, she found a new doctor. (I wanted to go straight to the office, stab that doctor in the eye, and ask him how he liked it!)
Sep 6, 2023·edited Sep 6, 2023Liked by Theresa Brown
Very much enjoyed reading this essay, Theresa. I learned (with the help of an insightful office nurse) to be a better listener. Actually, if I am being honest, I am still working on that with family and friends. You are so correct in letting people know that it's OK to find a doctor with whom you're compatible. And while certainly challenging to do in some circumstances, it is not impossible. All clinicians and all patients are not equal; sometimes you need to get a better fit to facilitate real shared decision making conversations.
Happy for you that you have found that better fit with your second oncologist.
Thank you, as always, for another insightful post. As a recovering People Pleaser, I tend to have a hard time expressing what's wrong when things don't go right. I mull over it, ruminate, get myself into a ball of worry or anxiety -- but actually doing something about it (historically) has not been my strength. Thank you for the encouraging and thoughtful words :)
I had an abnormal mammogram in my early forties. After the first biopsy, I was scheduled for a core biopsy because I had abnormal cells. I was a mess. My sisterinlaw found the best surgeon in the state of Massachusetts at Brigham and Women's Hospital. This surgeon was calm and explained everything over and over to me. He inspired confidence. The previous surgeon I went to for a consultation was a woman who was all giggly, like this is a fun time. I had a meltdown in the examining room and left. I applaud you for advocating for yourself and switching to a physician who is compassionate and you are comfortable with him. I feel it is so important to advocate for oneself in this age of medicine as a business.
I changed my internist many years ago when I knew he wasn’t listening to me. My new internist listens intently. The first was male, the second female. Just saying.
Theresa, what a wonderful empowering story. I switched my wife's urologist (I did the switching because I am an MD and am plugged in to the medical community) last year after multiple instances of "We will get back to you by the end of the day" finally ended up with a call 2 or 3 days later. And a few of these were major issues. The new doc's office and the physician are super responsive, attending to issues on the day they occur, often within an hour. I am stunned at the cavalier way some medical offices and physicians respond to patients' needs. I urge everyone, if you are not being treated with the respect you deserve (and EVERYONE deserves it), change doctors.
This was great, Theresa. It reminded me of something I read a long time ago: we spend more time researching what car to buy than which doctor to choose. Your article (and the comments below) reminded me that we need a more empowered mindset about switching providers as well. In the end, it's our health on the line.
My oncologist went on maternity leave after my 1st chemo treatment, then moved to Texas. The next doc assigned started my first appointment with a hug (me, already braless in a tiny pink smock), which I did not like. Then before leaving the exam room he wanted another hug and I refused. I went to the checkout desk and promptly switched doctors. The hugging doctor apologized and wrote his apology officially in my follow-up notes, which any future doctor can read. I'm sure there is a notation in my file, like on Seinfeld, that says "troublesome patient." To each his own - I'd prefer someone focused on the science, not on hugs.
PS: I finished reading (listening to) "Healing" this weekend and LOVED the story of the deer crossing through the water, and it just reminded me of how strong we women are. That deer knew the way through, and for generations women have known the way through hard times, often carrying along others on their back. Inspiring.
It is very helpful that you have written this post encouraging us to switch doctors if our doctor is not a good fit for us! Often I think we women in particular feel that we have to be loyal, or if we have a bad experience with a doctor, then it’s our fault. But we ought to listen to that inner voice that says, “This isn’t right.” My mom switched eye doctors for an excellent reason: she needs to get injections in her eye, and her previous doctor didn’t wait for the anesthesia to take effect and stabbed her! In the eye! And then, when my mom winced and pulled away, he scolded her for being a crybaby! So yeah, she found a new doctor. (I wanted to go straight to the office, stab that doctor in the eye, and ask him how he liked it!)
I hope your mammogram is all-clear, Theresa.
Very much enjoyed reading this essay, Theresa. I learned (with the help of an insightful office nurse) to be a better listener. Actually, if I am being honest, I am still working on that with family and friends. You are so correct in letting people know that it's OK to find a doctor with whom you're compatible. And while certainly challenging to do in some circumstances, it is not impossible. All clinicians and all patients are not equal; sometimes you need to get a better fit to facilitate real shared decision making conversations.
Happy for you that you have found that better fit with your second oncologist.
Thank you, as always, for another insightful post. As a recovering People Pleaser, I tend to have a hard time expressing what's wrong when things don't go right. I mull over it, ruminate, get myself into a ball of worry or anxiety -- but actually doing something about it (historically) has not been my strength. Thank you for the encouraging and thoughtful words :)
Jessie
This is a great reminder, thanks!
I had an abnormal mammogram in my early forties. After the first biopsy, I was scheduled for a core biopsy because I had abnormal cells. I was a mess. My sisterinlaw found the best surgeon in the state of Massachusetts at Brigham and Women's Hospital. This surgeon was calm and explained everything over and over to me. He inspired confidence. The previous surgeon I went to for a consultation was a woman who was all giggly, like this is a fun time. I had a meltdown in the examining room and left. I applaud you for advocating for yourself and switching to a physician who is compassionate and you are comfortable with him. I feel it is so important to advocate for oneself in this age of medicine as a business.
I changed my internist many years ago when I knew he wasn’t listening to me. My new internist listens intently. The first was male, the second female. Just saying.
Theresa, what a wonderful empowering story. I switched my wife's urologist (I did the switching because I am an MD and am plugged in to the medical community) last year after multiple instances of "We will get back to you by the end of the day" finally ended up with a call 2 or 3 days later. And a few of these were major issues. The new doc's office and the physician are super responsive, attending to issues on the day they occur, often within an hour. I am stunned at the cavalier way some medical offices and physicians respond to patients' needs. I urge everyone, if you are not being treated with the respect you deserve (and EVERYONE deserves it), change doctors.