After Thanksgiving I sent out a newsletter listing several fairly ordinary things I felt outsized gratitude for, including movie theaters and taking a break from Twitter, and people seemed to like it. Along those lines, I’ve been reading articles about how few of us actually keep the New Year’s Resolutions we make, and it got me to thinking about resolutions that might actually become part of my life. Perhaps we can start a small revolution away from the new year being seen as a time to improve ourselves in very specific ways (see the list below) to a time of something a little more flexible and personal. In our hyper-capitalist world, where the impulse to strive-work-perfect can be hard to resist, thinking about how to improve on one’s own terms can be challenging. I give it a go, modeled as a response to the list below of Americans’ most common New Year’s resolutions.
To be clear, the resolutions above are all fine. I’m not judging the resolutions, but instead trying to transform them into aspirations connected with my lived life, rather than one-size-fits-all life goals. I’m pretty sure I learned the importance of that kind of transformation from having cancer. I chose to ride my bike to my radiation therapy treatments in winter, even when there was freezing rain, and also chose not to work as a hospice nurse after I was diagnosed. Both choices are described and commented on in Healing. They were my choices and they helped. Other cancer patients have chosen differently, as they should. We’re all different and need different things.
To exercise more→Exercise when it feels good. I work out with a trainer two times per week and have been for the past several years. Recently I asked her how to decide whether to do a workout if my muscles are sore from an earlier session of exercise. She said there’s not a simple answer to that question and that the real answer is to listen to your body. Do I feel like I need to rest, or is an intense swim the ticket on a particular day? I’ve been trying to follow her advice, and it really works! The bonus is that when I do swim, strength train, walk the dog, or ride the stationary bike, I enjoy it more, and I no longer feel guilty when I skip a workout. I’ve also been working out more consistently since I started following this guideline—a paradox that shows the value of not forcing ourselves to exercise.
To eat healthier→Eat when you’re hungry—eat what you like. Growing up, my mother would tell me and my older brother, “Waste not, want not,” which meant that we should eat all the food on our plates even if we didn’t want to. Because of hearing this at mealtimes as a kid, the idea of eating when I’m hungry, and stopping when I’m full, is radical and something I still struggle with. I try to only eat when I’m hungry, however, I don’t want to encourage abstemiousness in the interests of only ever listening to one’s hunger. Chocolate will not fill anyone up, but it tastes incredibly good, as does cake and the cinnamon rolls I made on Christmas morning. For 2023 I’m going to try to leave the clean-plate club and also not judge my food choices.
To lose weight→Thank your body. Roll #1 and #2 into this answer. There’s so much to say here about body-types, the valorization of thinness in America, the health risks associated with morbid obesity and disordered eating, the increasing use of cosmetic surgery to “reverse” aging, and on and on and on. My message here will be brief: Thank your body. I was angry at my body after my cancer diagnosis. “How dare you betray me in this way?” I thought. But I’m OK, and every day my body takes me where I need to go, happily walks the dog, gives its all when I exercise, and sits more or less comfortably while I write. It’s not perfect, but what is? I’m grateful it still works as well as it does, hot flashes and all.
To save more money→Use money well. Saving money is a great goal, but hard for many people, and impossible for people living paycheck-to-paycheck, which is about 65% of Americans, according to a survey by the Lending Club Corporation. I wish that Arthur and I were better at saving money, but we do OK, and we enjoy our life. Do I wish I’d skipped our African safari to have more money in the bank instead? Absolutely not, and I’m grateful we have enough money to make a choice like that possible.
To spend more time with family/friends→To spend more time with family/friends. Yup—this is a great goal. Social connections are so important for we humans, especially following the isolation of the Covid lockdown. The only caveat would be, if your family and friends stress you out, then spend less time with those people and try instead to spend time with people who make you happy.
To spend less time on social media→View social media as a choice. This is a tough one for me since as a published author it’s part of my work to be on social media. I struggle with it and my solution has been to, for right now at least, limit myself to one platform, which at the moment is Instagram. Most of us know all too well the seductions of social media and how the platforms prey on our fear of not being liked or cool enough and our desire for attention. At the moment I prefer Instagram to Twitter because it’s much less contentious, in terms of the platform itself and as relates to the ongoing sage of Elon Musk’s terrible mismanagement of Twitter. SIGH. In my view there are no great solutions here, but I at least can strive to put less pressure on myself about my social media use.
To reduce stress on the job→Let’s implement a more humane version of capitalism. OK, none of us can do this one on our own, but the global nursing shortage that puts patients at risk, and the number of nurses striking or threatening to strike every day, shows that focusing on profits does not always give businesses the outcomes they want. Well, if the outcome they want is to make a lot of money, then focusing on profits works. But many people who work in health care want the outcomes to be about patient well-being and compassionate care, and those are hard to achieve in a system that exhorts everyone to do more with less and faster, faster, faster. That conflict in turn leads to job stress and burnout. I think you see where I’m going with this.
To reduce spending on living expenses→Use Money Well (Hah! This is #4 above). Again, those of us lucky enough to have disposable income could likely tighten our belts some and would benefit financially and maybe even emotionally from doing that. But how each of us spends money is all about balance. Being profligate and broke would truly be terrible, especially since we have such an inadequate safety net in the U.S. However, Ebenezer Scrooge was such a penny-pinching scoundrel he had to have four ghosts visit him to teach him the importance of generosity. It worked, but sheesh!
Add your own thoughts on resolutions in the comments. Or some resolutions of your own. Life will keep throwing us curveballs; let’s make the most of the new year by being as generous to ourselves as we can.
As always, sending hugs,
Theresa
Theresa: Wonderful resolutions, so grounded as all your comments are. We could all use a little more self-care. I have added one other one: I am resolving to be a little more kind and forgiving to others. How much time and energy do we spend fretting and fussing about the perceived short comings in other people? So mine is, let's give everyone a break, including ourselves.
Those cakes looks fantastic! I loved this post abc have to laugh, because my post tomorrow--We Get a Freebie--is on a similar theme: It’s ok not to be perfect and to be grateful for what we can manage. I love your idea of thanking our bodies instead of beating ourselves up because we’re not all swimsuit models.